Why children lie and what to do if your child is cheating?
“Our son/daughter is lying! What do we do?” is a frequent complaint of parents in the office of a child psychologist. Parents wonder why their child is lying, because in their family, this behavior is not practiced. Others simply burn with shame for their child – lie their baby becomes public property, have already learned teachers or educators. There are among parents and those who are completely deluded by their child’s behavior. They admit that they don’t know what to believe and what not.
But what would have been the reaction of parents to lie to children, the ratio is always unambiguously negative. And the question of what to do and how to wean the child to lie, to tell lies and mislead others in, is very relevant.
A psychologist come when all known methods have been tried. A request or an order “Stop lying!” the child was ignored, physical punishment does not have the desired effect, and the threats were not heeded. To understand what to do in situations when your child is cheating, let’s see, why and why he does it.
Why do children lie?
Children lying is a very common phenomenon, but in each case it’s always a unique story. However, in most cases, a lie is a consequence of the child’s problem, not the problem itself. Therefore, to defeat the lies, we must find the true cause of such behavior. And the children of the reasons for cheating are many, consider the most common:
1. Fear of punishment. The child is lying because he is afraid that he will be strictly punished, beat, or simply cease to love. For example, the child broke on the street new pants, when he got home, he hid them carefully. The parents asked where the press, says he doesn’t know, because afraid that adults will punish for ” bad ” thing. This behavior is true in families where parents often punish the child, including physically.
2. Fear of disappointing parents. For example, parents are very serious about school marks child, believe that school performance is the measure of success, hard work and integrity of the child. Parents received higher education may not be one, than certainly proud of and put the child in the example. And in such a family, a child gets a deuce. He just can’t admit it to my parents because he’s afraid he’ll fall out of love, it will be disappointed. And prefer better to “lose” the diary than not to meet the expectations of parents.
3. The desire to attract attention. This cause is very important for children with high natural need for attention. And for children, for some reason deprived of his (born brother or sister, parents work a lot, family is in the process of divorce, etc.). The lie in this case is a means to attract the attention of parents.
4. I repeat the behavior of their parents. Parents often choose sin that they lie. And children are like sponges absorb parental behaviors. For example, the child heard my mother said on the phone that he was sick and not be able to go to a meeting. While were in good health and are unable to tell the truth about what people she dislikes. Or to question the child about an absent dad (for example, in the case of divorce) he hears something unintelligible from her mother, something that will grow – will understand or dad moved far away, or something like that. The child understands that it’s a lie. And starts to believe that such behavior is acceptable. Or learns that honesty in a relationship is unnecessary.
5. Fantasies and bluster. Up to a certain age children are simply unable to distinguish reality from fiction. Here’s your 4-year-old kid tells that he saw a flying saucer, a dog with five legs or heard a howl in his room. Says and he believes it, and all your attempts to clean him out defeated. Parents panic – the baby grows a liar, and actually very difficult to distinguish between the real and fictional world. He really thinks they saw or heard said.
6. A lie for profit. For example, my mother promised that if the child clean up the toys room, then get the carrot. The child in the room was not cleaned, but the stick came. To question mom about the job swears and swears that all done and gingerbread deserve. But the deception is opened and mom in disbelief. Why he lied? Yes gingerbread is wanted, and that it is necessary to remove the toys somehow not remembered, or forgotten, or not considered important.
What to do if a child is lying?
As you already understood, in each case, it is necessary to understand separately. To seek the cause lies. Because it is found from the reasons will depend on the measures. If you realized that your child is afraid of punishment, need to review their educational impact – maybe you really abuse their parental dominance, strictly criticized for blunders, physically punish, humiliate for misconduct. And just when you reconsider your attitude to punishment applied in your family, the child will not be frightened by you and lie to you.
If the child uses the lie as a way to attract attention, take the time, the ability, the strength to give him the desired attention. Select 30 minutes in the evening reading stories or talking about how the day went. Meet the needs of the child, and the need to lie will disappear as unnecessary.
Well, if my daughter or son just copy your behavior, then again or treat it with understanding, either start the change from ourselves. Because if a small lie allowed you, the child does not understand why he must always speak the truth.
Thus, the algorithm works with a lie like this . set deep reason lies, unmet need of the child and to work with her. Just deny, to lie, to embarrass the child or threaten with physical violence if he ever lie, it is not effective. A small child who needs attention, maybe under your onslaught to stop lying, but I’ll start to get sick often. Because the disease is also a way to attract attention.
And yet. Child it is unpleasant to lie (except with fantasy), because he understands that this action is not socially approved. And if he has resorted to this method, in his life or in your relationship with him is really serious problem. Take seriously the needs of the child, seek for the true causes lie wisely and help him to fix them. And then the lies will become unnecessary.
If the self-understanding of the origins and the reasons lie in what the need is not satisfied, does not work, consult a child psychologist. Because often the cause is not obvious, but hidden in secret corners of the child’s soul.