If your child is not confident, as bartica?
Learn how to talk with children — easy: requires some forethought and practice. You will be able to do it, and therefore will be able to rally your family and to prepare the child for independent problem-solving, which it will be set for life.
Today we will talk about how to raise the child’s self-confidence. Self-esteem, like love, is not amenable to a simple and accurate description. But many people have commented that more confident, when there is reason to be proud. They are convinced that they appreciate, despite its shortcomings, if others know what they are capable of, for example, to finish a difficult task.
How often your child feels worthless, stupid, “wrong”? What you pay attention when you praise your child? Some parents celebrate ability and results, others – perseverance, diligence, and effort in achieving the result.
What statements make the child more self-confident? The children praised for ability, fear of failure more than the ones being praised for what they make a lot of effort when meeting with difficulties. And, in addition, children who are praised for hard work and diligence, usually succeed, if they face a difficult task.
Praise has always been a powerful tool in the education of children and development they have a good opinion of himself. Praise means a lot, but does not replace time spent together, love and other expressions of care and concern parents.
What qualities, abilities and knowledge important to give your child to have a stable self-esteem? Here are the most important ones :
understanding that there are no perfect people
the knowledge that every person has the right to be wrong. Remember: “do not mistake the one who does nothing”
ability to overcome disappointments and personal failures
faith in their own strength
the ability to ask for support and assistance ,as well as to take them
the ability to set achievable tasks, given their limited opportunities, i.e. how are you tall, strong, or smart, etc. compared to their peers
the ability to control themselves
the ability to persevere when solving problems, despite the anxiety
The acquisition of such experience, increases the child’s chances of achieving the goal, and leads to results that allow strengthened his self-confidence.
How to speak?
Family, where there are support and love, increases the psychological immune system. Statements of a global nature, such as “you’re wonderful. the most beautiful child in the world” etc. make a huge impression, but they should be balanced more specific praise or support, for example:
“You started gymnastics a year ago, and even when it was hard – I didn’t give up, worked. And here is the first victory. You should be proud of yourself that is not thrown started.”
“Math is difficult for you but you were persistent and did not give up, although sometimes disappointed. You are worthy of respect”.
“Today let’s together take a walk? Just you and me”. When you tell your child that you just want to spend time with them, and really do it, it allows him to understand and believe that he is dear to you and important to you.
“Your friends wanted you to have remained longer, but you still came home on time. To act against the wishes of the friends is not easy. It takes courage”.
“What did you just steelscape demonstrates your patience. You’re doing great!” Praise your child for any good quality — for perseverance, kindness, sense of justice, desire to share with others, and also docility. Let’s support, pay child to the past successful experience.
“Remember how you played this computer game and raised their glasses? This suggests that if you try to do this, you will get better.”
Basic rule: Spend time with your child doing something meaningful. Your lessons with the child raise his self-esteem, regardless of whether they lead to any achievements or not.
If the child’s confidence in himself has recently been shattered, your best first gesture is empathy. Start with a short message about what pushed you to this conversation.
“You look unhappy. Tell me what happened”.
“Didn’t you catch the ball, and your team lost. And now you think about it. Am I right?”
“I noticed that you became very quiet, since friends stopped inviting you to ride a bike. I think you got offended”.
“I remember what you felt the same way two weeks ago when you didn’t get the role in the play. It seemed too unfair.”
Helping the child to associate a real offense from last, can you help him to understand why he overreacted. Remembering how went the pain of past hurts, the child begins to think that his real problem is also temporary.
How not to speak
Don’t automatically ask: “You wanna talk?” Your child may instinctively answer “no”. The question “How are you feeling?” may have the opposite effect when the child is obviously upset. It can dramatically respond to you: “And how do you think I feel?”
It is better to report your observations: “you Have stained eyes” or “You slam the door”, and then tell me what you think “So I think you’re very sad,” “I can see you’re really mad.” Don’t ask what happened. It is better to say: “Tell me what happened.”
Try not to give any advice until you can clearly understand for themselves that understood, what is now your child. Often children with low self-esteem pronounce the phrase, revealing their negative attitude to yourself: “I’m stupid”, “I can’t Do anything” or “nobody loves Me”.
It may be the utterance of a global nature: “All smarter than me”, “Nobody is as bad as me,” “All the guys know more than me”. Once you have expressed sympathy, it is extremely important to begin to teach a child to think more rationally: “You’re not stupid. Just this time you were little”. “I saw that on your team all make mistakes. You’re not alone. Everyone can make mistakes, anyone can make a mistake”. “Yes, you made a mistake. But this does not mean that you never will make it right. You were doing really well before, and, further, will almost always succeed”.
It is very important that you do not use the above examples as long until you understand what the problem is, and Express empathy. Otherwise sincere attempt to encourage the child to look at themselves more realistic, for example: “You made friends before, you will find now. “that might sound like a rejection of his wounded feelings: “you should not have such feelings, because. “. If the child truly does not believe that you understand him, he will not accept what you have said.
Important: remember, your emotional state affects your children. Take care of yourself.